Small Steps Pt. 1: Letting Go of Control as a Parent

Last month, I intended to write a four-part series on mastering the little things—the small steps that, over time, can make a big difference in creating a healthy household, especially when you're navigating challenging times with a struggling adolescent or young adult.

Then my father passed away just before Thanksgiving. In the week leading up to his death, I spent time at his side, holding space for a different kind of loss.

So, here I am, weeks later than planned, still reflecting on something that’s shifted the way I’m thinking about this series, and especially about the "little things." And that’s the concept of letting go—not from the perspective of grief, but from the perspective of letting go of my own expectations.

As we move into the holiday season, which often brings additional stress and challenges, letting go becomes an essential skill. It’s something our coaches often talk with parents about—letting go of trying to do it all, letting go of the idea of the "perfect" holiday, letting go of specific outcomes that you just can’t control.

While the broad idea of letting go might not fit neatly under the "little things" umbrella, the self-talk that accompanies it absolutely does. It’s that quiet, almost invisible conversation with yourself that makes all the difference when life doesn’t go according to plan.

For example, I didn’t get this blog written on time. It wasn’t the end of the world, but I could feel the frustration and guilt building. That’s when I remembered the very thing I talk to parents about when their teens are pushing every button: practice compassion with yourself. The way we talk to ourselves in moments of disappointment can either fuel our stress or help us release it.

And the same applies to your family. When you’re feeling upset or overwhelmed over the holidays (or anytime, really), stop and ask yourself: Is there something I can let go of in this moment—something that will ease my own suffering, even just a little? Maybe it’s the pressure to have everything go smoothly, or the expectation that your teen will suddenly be “fixed” during a short visit. Maybe it’s the idea of a flawless holiday dinner or a perfect family photo. Whatever it is, releasing the hold you have on these things can make a surprisingly big difference.

The "little things" often come down to how we manage our own internal dialogue. If we can learn to let go of self-criticism, perfectionism, and unrealistic expectations, we can create more space to show up as the parent we truly want to be—present, calm, and flexible. So, as you step into the holiday season, I encourage you to notice the moments when you’re holding on tightly—whether it’s to a plan, a certain outcome, or a version of your family life that isn’t aligned with where things are right now. In those moments, ask yourself, What can I let go of that will make this just a little bit easier?

The little things, after all, are often the things that shift everything.

Remember, we’re here to help families thrive.

The kids are the motivation, but parents are the key.